A few years ago Eric and I were strolling along Fifth Avenue in New
York City. A commuter bus passed us displaying an advertisement on its
side that was unforgettable. It was a picture of three bald heads. Under
the first was the word MILITARY. Under the second was the word FASHION.
Under the third was the word CANCER. Neither Eric nor I could recall
what organization ran the ad - he thought it was the American Cancer
Society but I wasn't so sure - but it was a powerful image. Eric
remembered that it was about breast cancer during October; he thought
the first two heads were male and the third was a female, making it even
more poignant.
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| Dr. Melanie Bone's Family |
To this day my memory is not what it was before
chemotherapy (or is it my age?), and I'd forgotten completely about that
bus until I found myself back in Manhattan for a weekend getaway. I
thought the weekend after the marathon would be perfect. Not as hectic
and still not too cold to walk in Central Park. Somehow it escaped me
that it was Veterans Day weekend. We planned out our day to visit Occupy
Wall Street and make it back uptown in time to catch the parade. A
veteran in uniform marched by. He had a shaved head. Out of nowhere, a
memory of the bus flashed into my head.
Instead of thinking about
the image as an advertisement for cancer, I tried to think about it from
the perspective of the veteran. After all, veterans and cancer
survivors have a lot in common.
Going to war as a soldier and
"fighting" a battle against cancer are analogous. The experience, often
scary and overwhelming, is one not easily understood if you have not
been through it. Soldiers develop a camaraderie during war in much the
same way that cancer patients do. They are subjected to difficult and
challenging situations and always are aware of the imminent threat of
loss of life or limb.
There is a certain mysteriousness to the
"secret lives" of soldiers and cancer patients. They are assumed to see,
hear, feel, and do things that most of us would never see, hear, feel,
or do. At the other end, most are left with strong memories, be they
good or bad, and some with nightmares that can be long-lasting.
Having
survived war or cancer earns you the title of "veteran" or "survivor."
With these titles come an identity and certain expectations. Many vets
and survivors forever remain identified by their status. They hold onto
it for a multitude of reasons.
Some are empowered to use their
status to raise awareness and others to help those that come after them.
Some just feel that they are forever changed and are at a loss to
reinvent themselves as anything else. Post-traumatic stress disorder
abounds as does guilt that they have made it and other soldiers or
cancer patients died.
I am certain there are many veterans who
have returned home and moved on just as there are cancer survivors who
are cured and moved on. Why don't we remember them as often? Because
their status as veteran or survivor is now a part of their persona, but
not the central, identifying component of it.
I am known for
trying to take the war and battle analogy out of the cancer experience. I
support the concept of approaching cancer sensibly and thoughtfully. In
war there are winners and losers. Even the winners suffer.
With
cancer, many patients are cured. They are the winners, but are always
left with scars. For those that die or live with cancer as a chronic
disease, is it right to label them losers? I don't think so. Unlucky
yes, but the connotation of the word loser is not one that should be
associated with people who are not cured of their cancer.
As we
boarded the Jet Blue plane home, I had one of those once-in-a-lifetime
experiences. There on the wall of the jetway were the exact pictures of
the bald heads we'd seen a few years earlier. What are the chances of
that happening?! One read SOLDIER, the second STYLE, and the third
SURVIVOR. They were being used as part of a bank advertisement. Eric and
I looked at each other with disbelief. I knew this column was destined
to be!
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