Veterans and Cancer Survivors much alike

A few years ago Eric and I were strolling along Fifth Avenue in New York City. A commuter bus passed us displaying an advertisement on its side that was unforgettable. It was a picture of three bald heads. Under the first was the word MILITARY. Under the second was the word FASHION. Under the third was the word CANCER. Neither Eric nor I could recall what organization ran the ad - he thought it was the American Cancer Society but I wasn't so sure - but it was a powerful image. Eric remembered that it was about breast cancer during October; he thought the first two heads were male and the third was a female, making it even more poignant.

Dr. Melanie Bone's Family

To this day my memory is not what it was before chemotherapy (or is it my age?), and I'd forgotten completely about that bus until I found myself back in Manhattan for a weekend getaway. I thought the weekend after the marathon would be perfect. Not as hectic and still not too cold to walk in Central Park. Somehow it escaped me that it was Veterans Day weekend. We planned out our day to visit Occupy Wall Street and make it back uptown in time to catch the parade. A veteran in uniform marched by. He had a shaved head. Out of nowhere, a memory of the bus flashed into my head.

Instead of thinking about the image as an advertisement for cancer, I tried to think about it from the perspective of the veteran. After all, veterans and cancer survivors have a lot in common.

Going to war as a soldier and "fighting" a battle against cancer are analogous. The experience, often scary and overwhelming, is one not easily understood if you have not been through it. Soldiers develop a camaraderie during war in much the same way that cancer patients do. They are subjected to difficult and challenging situations and always are aware of the imminent threat of loss of life or limb.

There is a certain mysteriousness to the "secret lives" of soldiers and cancer patients. They are assumed to see, hear, feel, and do things that most of us would never see, hear, feel, or do. At the other end, most are left with strong memories, be they good or bad, and some with nightmares that can be long-lasting.

Having survived war or cancer earns you the title of "veteran" or "survivor." With these titles come an identity and certain expectations. Many vets and survivors forever remain identified by their status. They hold onto it for a multitude of reasons.

Some are empowered to use their status to raise awareness and others to help those that come after them. Some just feel that they are forever changed and are at a loss to reinvent themselves as anything else. Post-traumatic stress disorder abounds as does guilt that they have made it and other soldiers or cancer patients died.

I am certain there are many veterans who have returned home and moved on just as there are cancer survivors who are cured and moved on. Why don't we remember them as often? Because their status as veteran or survivor is now a part of their persona, but not the central, identifying component of it.
I am known for trying to take the war and battle analogy out of the cancer experience. I support the concept of approaching cancer sensibly and thoughtfully. In war there are winners and losers. Even the winners suffer.

With cancer, many patients are cured. They are the winners, but are always left with scars. For those that die or live with cancer as a chronic disease, is it right to label them losers? I don't think so. Unlucky yes, but the connotation of the word loser is not one that should be associated with people who are not cured of their cancer.

As we boarded the Jet Blue plane home, I had one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences. There on the wall of the jetway were the exact pictures of the bald heads we'd seen a few years earlier. What are the chances of that happening?! One read SOLDIER, the second STYLE, and the third SURVIVOR. They were being used as part of a bank advertisement. Eric and I looked at each other with disbelief. I knew this column was destined to be!

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